Heart to Heart Talk
by Rocheleh
Summary: In the first one-shot, you see a brutal scene in which Jonas gives a painful memory to Fiona, who is now his Spouse. The following chapters are a series of one-shots telling Fiona's story about living with Jonas. Disclaimer: This story depicts instances of abuse and I urge you not to condone Jonas' actions here. Some reviewers have taken the subject matter too lightly.
1. Prologue

**Fiona: Age 28**

Fiona watched Jonas come through the door as their children anxiously sat in their chairs. He looked more tired than usual and sat beside Fiona for their evening meal. Fiona smiled at him, hoping to receive a smile from her husband. He weakly smiled back and she knew something was wrong.

"Alright, children," she started, trying to distract her thoughts, "Who would like go first for the Telling of Feelings?"

Nina, a female Ten, struggled to convince Henry, a male Seven, to let her go first. Jonas sighed and looked down, not caring about the night's events. Fiona decided to settle her children's dispute.

"Nina, you went first yesterday. Why don't you let Henry go first tonight?" Fiona suggested, hoping her response was adequate.

"Fine, Mother," Nina replied, to no surprise.

"Well, today, we went to visit another community and the Sevens learned things we didn't, so we felt like," Henry said, trying to find the right word to describe what he felt.

"Animals!" Nina blurted out, barely able to contain herself whenever she had something to say. Fiona smiled at her children, hoping Jonas would do the same. Jonas grimaced and Fiona never knew why. He didn't bother contributing.

"Now, let Nina share," Fiona suggested.

"Today, we played baseball and our team won. I started cheering, but then the Instructor reprimanded me because I was making the other team feel bad," Nina replied, happy to share her story.

Fiona wanted to talk to Jonas alone, so she suggested that Nina and Henry finish their homework in their rooms and go off to bed. Henry grabbed his comfort object, which was called a horse, and ran to his room. Nina strolled there, closing her door once she was there. Jonas huffed and turned away.

"Jonas?" Fiona asked, hoping he would turn in her direction, "Is everything alright?"

He nodded, still turned away from her. She thought back to when they were children playing and volunteering. He seemed much happier then. She remembered when they found they were assigned to be each other's spouses. Jonas had smiled for a moment before he sighed, for some reason she still remained unaware of.

"Jonas, I know I shouldn't be prodding into your business and that you might think it'd be rude of me, but please tell me what's wrong. You never shared anything during the Evening meals and you never seem happy anymore. You haven't seemed happy since we were twelve."

Jonas finally turned around to face her, revealing bloodshot eyes and pouty lips. He had been crying. Fiona was _really_ concerned now. She couldn't help but wonder what had been going on with him. Ever since they became adults, Jonas had secluded himself. It was like she barely knew him anymore.

"Jonas, please, tell me what's wrong. You grimace during the Telling Of Feelings-"

"Feelings?" he finally exploded, "Don't you _dare_ tell me about feelings, Fiona! None of you even _have_ feelings! You wouldn't know true feelings if it were right in front of you! And don't tell me about being happy; you don't even know true pleasure, true happiness! You can't know true joy without knowing true pain!"

Fiona's heartbeat quickened as she witnessed her spouse's anger grow. She had never seen him so mad and volatile. Usually he was the rational one. That changed ever since they received their assignments. After being withdrawn for so long, he finally exploded. She watched his expression changed from sadness to anger and hate. His eyes seem to burn through her.

"Jonas, you're scaring me," she whimpered.

"_I'm _scaring you? I'm _scaring _you?" he shouted maniacally, "You haven't even felt true fear! You've never felt _anything_!"

She wasn't expecting what was to happen next. She found Jonas grabbing her while she tried to fight him off. She never saw him acting so strange. He pushed her down on the table so she lay flat, ripping her tunic enough to expose her back and placed his cold hands right on her. _What is he doing?_ She struggled under his grip, to no avail.

She looked around, but she found she couldn't move. She smelt decaying flesh, rotten food, and dirt. A tall uniformed man with light hair pinned her down, wearing the same frightening expression Jonas did just moments ago. There were other women with shaved heads and little clothing, staring blankly, others deeply frightened. There was something all wrong with their faces. Their cheekbones stuck out a little too much and their eyes were bulging. She felt hungry. No, wrong word, she thought. Starving, she thought, this is the first time I felt starving. It was cold out. Not the cold she felt when a slight breeze came, but more extreme. White, powdery stuff fell from the sky. She was shivering.

The tall man shouted degrading obscenities at her. She begged for mercy and the tall man shifted upward a little to make room for his jabbing elbow, which hit her leg, causing lasting, excruciating pain. _So this is what Jonas meant by pain. _She screamed and cried, causing the tall man to slap her face and call her pathetic. He then forced her to stand up, which she failed. She tumbled forward, her face hitting some ice. Her leg throbbed and the man hit her head with a hard object, kicking her repeatedly.

Fiona opened her eyes to find she was back in her dwelling and Jonas was no longer pushing her on the table. He stepped back, watching her slide off and grip the chair, sobbing and resting her head on her good leg. Jonas slid back into his room, leaving her to cry. _What a monster!_ She tried to move to the Speaker to request Relief-of-Pain and found she was rendered immobile due to the extreme amount of pain. _How did he do that?_

Nina came out of her room cautiously, pausing to see her mother sobbing under the table.

"Mother?" she asked quietly, "What happened?"

"N-nina," she stuttered, choking on her tears, "G-go, to th-the speaker a-and rec-c-quest Relief-of-Pain, _please_!"

Nina ran to the Speaker, requesting the Relief-of-Pain while Jonas peered from behind the door, only revealing his eyes. Fiona shot him a look of pure hate. _How could he do this to me?_ His door closed and she looked down at her leg, which appeared fine. How could it hurt so much?

"Mother," Nina said, "I requested the Relief-of-Pain. Can you tell me what happened?"

She shook her head, hoping Nina would understand. She couldn't describe what she felt. She simply told Nina to go back to her room and finish her homework. Nina retired to her room and Fiona simply sat there, sobbing as much as humanly possible.

_So this is what Jonas feels._


	2. Starting as Spouses

**Fiona: Age 15**

It didn't take long to notice Jonas had changed. It started when they received their Assignments. Sure, everyone grew and matured, but he became very withdrawn. He would give Fiona a few strange glances, but quickly turn away when detected. She couldn't explain the glances. There was something _foreign_ about them, as if Jonas held some strong desire for something Fiona had. It started some time after they had all become Twelves. It was ridiculous to think it would be detrimental to their already fading relationship at first, but when they were paired up as Spouses, she became concerned.

They moved into that house for the first time and it felt like she was entering a new phase in her life. She finished school, she had an Assignment and now she had a Spouse. She stepped into that house and felt a hint of excitement when Jonas followed her in. She noticed he was smiling for the first time in a while. They were younger than most people who apply for Spouses, but the Elders knew they were ready.

She traced her fingertips on the edge of their new table when Jonas touched her arm gently with a polite smile.

"Jonas, I don't think–" she stammered.

"Fiona, it's okay. We're Spouses now and Spouses are part of family units. Members of family units _can_ touch each other," he whispered when his lips were close to her ear, "You know, they can also kiss."

Fiona suddenly had the feeling that Jonas was considering doing something he would want to keep secret, and that it involved her. His playful and mischievous smile confirmed her suspicions. He gently let his hand glide down her arm and wrapped around her hand.

"You are acting strangely intimate."

"We were friends for a _very_ long time and now we're Spouses. Who's to say that this is wrong?" he asked, "I believe this is just so _right_."

"Jonas?"

"Yes, Fiona?"

"Why now? You barely talked to me during the few years before."

"I never could. We rarely saw each other. We rarely got time alone."

"I'm going to lie down."

"I'll go with you."

They were on the bed, facing the ceiling when Jonas rubbed his hand on her thigh. She paid slight attention to the slight bulge near the apex of his legs, but decided to look away as to avoid an awkward conversation. He moved his hand to her slender waist, moving his fingers delicately. She couldn't understand what emotion this gave her, but it felt _good_.

Some weeks went by and they grew a little closer, despite Jonas not fully confiding in Fiona. Some time later, she was busy undressing to bathe herself when she caught Jonas taking just a glance at her. He turned away in embarrassment, muttering a "sorry". She noticed that same bulge in the exact same location and turned away. She had forgotten to take the pill a few weeks now and Jonas sometimes hid them, so she went without. When she relaxed in the tub, Jonas walked in nonchalantly.

"Jonas," she said, quickly covering herself up, "You can't see me like this, all exposed."

"Fiona, why do you adhere so strictly to these rules?" he asked, "This isn't such a big deal. Actually, I don't see the problem with seeing you like this at all. It's kind of nice. It's like you trust me."

"Please don't, Jonas. I'm very uncomfortable with it."

"Why?"

She noticed Jonas was now kneeling by Fiona's side, gently caressing her cheek and wet hair. She shied away and blushed, much to Jonas's amusement. He rolled up a sleeve and grabbed a sponge. She looked his way.

"Jonas, what are you doing?" she asked, sounding somewhat alarmed.

"Nothing too bad. Just relax."

Was he _bathing _her? She immediately stood up and wrapped herself in a towel, grabbing her tunic on the way out. Jonas called after her, but she went to the bedroom, slamming the door and leaning against it.

_This is strange._


	3. Receiving Nina

**Fiona: Age 18**

They had applied for a child. Jonas was pacing around the room, anxious for the moment when they would attend the annual Ceremony. Fiona watched him, no particular thoughts forming in her head. She suddenly decided to think of their history, simply to pass the time until they would attend said Ceremony. It was early in the morning, most people slept in at this time, but neither of them could sleep.

School typically finished some years after an individual became twelve, though it never exceeded five additional years. During that period, most citizens became more absorbed in their assignments until that was all they devoted their time for. Most didn't think of spouses until some five years after school sessions were completed, so when Jonas and Fiona were placed together as Spouses no more than a few years after receiving Assignments, most were taken by surprise. They were told by the Elders that they were ready for it, but Fiona, for some reason, knew the truth. Just a year after receiving Assignments, Jonas had fled the community. Luckily, he was brought back before similar damage doled out ten years before (due to the failed, and forever unnamed, Receiver getting a Release) could occur. Jonas's mentor, whom Jonas had called the Giver (Fiona, again, was the few to know this), had advised the Elders to couple Jonas with her, as the boy was unwilling to go with anyone else. Fiona didn't understand this whole dynamic well enough to think about the choices made during that period of time, nor did she spend much time thinking about it (it had proved pretty pointless). Jonas seemed to grow more stable since he returned from Elsewhere. He had a calmer temperament since they moved in together (they spent a few years here already) and the committee put the events similar to the failed Receiver behind them.

Fiona closed her eyes again, lying on the bed and Jonas finally gave up as well. He sat beside his Spouse once again and put his arm around her. Fiona was getting used to his yearning for closeness and physical contact, but certain aspects still made her uncomfortable. She glanced at Jonas's pill jar resting on the nightstand, still as full as when he moved in with her some two to three years ago. She didn't fully understand why he did this, but she didn't question him all that much either, since he was the Receiver, never to be questioned. It wasn't all that surprising, how much he changed since his Assignment, considering the prestige of the position. Jonas looked as if he _wanted_ Fiona to ask about the pills. He snuggled closer to her until she felt uncomfortable, but she didn't dare push him away, because she feared the response that would come. She became stiff.

…

It was the beginning of the Ceremony. Several children were fussing about, getting in their chairs while their parents were separated from them in their own special seating. Murmurs filled the room and Jonas and Fiona sat down with other coupled citizens, who were notably older than them. Fiona felt his hand touch hers and she instantly pulled away, knowing he can't possibly throw a fit in a large Auditorium. They both watched the little infant children being brought up on stage, some crawling and squirming, the others still nestled in blankets.

Fiona saw a Nurturer read the list of names for each child, the first one making several loud noises. Members of the audience sighed, "awww" in response. Jonas gripped Fiona's hand again, but this time, she didn't pull away. Since they were in the same family unit now, this wasn't prohibited. Both Fiona and Jonas watched the little babies anxiously.

The last child, number 50, was a Female named Nina. Jonas and Fiona were called to the stage to receive their baby, who had barely opened her eyes. Jonas seemed to recognize the Nurturer that brought their baby, mainly due to his hateful expression towards the older, childless man.

"Congratulations, Jonas and Fiona," the man said, handing them little Nina.

"He has light eyes, Jonas," Fiona observed with a smile. Hopefully that observation alone should cheer up her Spouse.

"Yeah," he paused, looking at the child and back at the Nurturer, "like Gabriel."

The Nurturer seemed taken aback by what Jonas had said to him. Fiona didn't know anyone named Gabriel. All she remembered was a near-toddler that Jonas had run away with, who was promptly released when the pair was caught and returned to the community. The Nurturer walked away almost sheepishly and Jonas scowled, walking down the steps at a fast pace. With Nina in her arms, she clumsily scurried after him, noticing his head was down with an expression that was common in him.

"Jonas."

"I'm not talking about it," he replied rather sharply.

Fiona stopped dead in her tracks as Jonas left the Auditorium. Not sure what to do, she returned to her seat, sighing and patting Nina's back. Nina reached for Fiona's hair and failed while Fiona watched the rest of the Ceremony take place until the Afternoon meal. Once they were let out, she grabbed the stroller that couples were normally given (she had forgotten to take one earlier) and gently placed Nina, strapping her in so she wouldn't fall out. Nina fell asleep and Fiona took the stroller with her while she went to get food. She accidentally bumped into someone, prompting her to say a civil apology.

"I accept your apology, Fiona," the man said, reading her nametag.

"Asher," she smiled. She hadn't seen him in a long time and seeing his face again made her think of the time spent with Asher and Jonas before they received their assignments.

"How have you been?" he asked.

"I've been good. I notice you make less mistakes in your speech," she said before remembering her mistake, "I apologize for making you uncomfortable."

He accepted the apology and peered at Nina, who opened her eyes for a short moment. She stared blankly at Asher before she shifted her attention elsewhere.

"She has light eyes like Jonas," he remarked.

"I said the same thing when we received the child," Fiona recalled, "Jonas said something about her eyes being like Gabriel's and then left. I'm sure he made the Nurturer uncomfortable."

They both took a plate of food and sat down at a large table close to the entrance of the Auditorium. Once they sat down, they agreed to sit next to each other during the latter part of the Ceremony and remarked on how much the other has grown. They reminisced about their assignments happily and Fiona remembered that this was the first time she really smiled since being paired up with Jonas.

"I apologize in advice for offending you, but," Asher confessed, "I liked Jonas better before he became the Receiver."

"So did I," Fiona sighed, "To be honest, I wish I wasn't paired up with him."

"Why don't you take it to the Committee for study?" Asher suggested.

They both laughed at the remark. Take it for study, _ha!_

"And by the time they get to it, we'll all be in the House of the Old."

Asher's face darkened with laughter, causing Fiona to nearly choke on her food from cracking up so much. Fiona managed to swallow her food and starting drinking some water.

"It'll be like suggesting a rule revision for bikes!" Asher commented.

Fiona spat out her water onto the concrete floor, some of it landing on Asher's shoe. Asher shook the water off his leg when Fiona profusely apologized. Asher gave a smirk and splashed some water all over her, causing them to throw a fit of giggles.

"We should stop acting like children, Asher. You can do plenty of that during your assignment."

"And you should stop acting so old, Fiona. You can do plenty of that during _your_ assignment."

They both took a moment to calm down and take bites of their food when their feet accidentally touched and Fiona made a face.

"Really, Asher? Really?"

"I apologize–"

"Just forget it Asher. That apology ruins everything."

"You're starting to sound like Jonas," Asher remarked, causing reality to give Fiona a huge slap in the face.

"You're right, I am, Asher," she lamented, "I'm acting older than I should be, I don't even want to be a Spouse, having a child was Jonas's idea and because of him, I feel separated from the friends I could be making at my job. It feels like he _wants_ me separated because he feels alone. You should see the way he grimaces daily and I'm becoming unhappy."

She sighed and said, "I miss you, Ash."

"No one has called me that in nearly five years."

"Five years," she said, "I still can't believe that much time has passed. Remember when we were just children in school?"

"Yeah, and when Jonas was _nicer_?" Asher laughed. They both acknowledged that they shouldn't be laughing about someone like that, particularly one of prestige. Neither of them cared and did it anyway.

"I still remember the day he told us not to play that game, Fiona. It was an Undeclared holiday. Ever since he was selected, he developed a complex."

"I'm scared of him, Ash. I'm scared of what he will become."

Someone announced that the Ceremony will soon resume and the pair stood up, Fiona taking the stroller containing Nina. Nina squirmed in her sleep, her eyelids twitching rapidly. Fiona guessed she was dreaming.

Asher and Fiona sat together during the rest of the Ceremony, whispering back and forth, reminiscing about their childhood, about their subjects, about games during Recreation, about Asher's snack vs. smack story, and eventually about Jonas before the selection. They started giggling and soon acknowledged the stares directed towards them. They soon hushed and watched the rest of the Ceremony in silence. Their hands accidentally touched. Fiona realized it never felt more natural.

…

Fiona was resting at home with Nina in her arms. It was almost curfew and Jonas had just returned, grumpy as usual.

Jonas sat down on their bed, his face away from the pair. Fiona decided to put Nina to rest and take a shower. She preferred to be alone, without Jonas.

When she got out of the shower, she saw Jonas smiling at Nina as he tickled her stomach. She didn't react much, but Jonas seemed satisfied. Fiona left the living room to change and sleep.

The next morning, Fiona silently watched Jonas take his pill jar simply to look at it. He took a pill out and stared at the little thing in his hand. Fiona hoped he would pop the thing in his mouth and wash it down with water and crossed her fingers tightly. To her dismay, he threw the pill in the trash bin beside him. Again, she pretended to be asleep.

Why, she asked herself, why?


	4. Lips

**Fiona: Age 21**

Nina was nearly four and the couple had received a child named Henry. Henry had dark eyes, like herself, which she found a relief. Every time she saw bright eyes, she thought of her spouse and the remark made when Jonas noticed Nina's eyes. She didn't see any trace of Jonas in Nina for the most part, but when she saw those eyes, she kept thinking of the name Jonas mentioned: Gabriel. She thought about asking him about Gabriel, but she wasn't always sure it was the best idea, so more often than not she let it slide.

Jonas started to favor Nina, likely for the same reason Fiona favored Henry. He always smiled when Nina started to say either his name or "father". Henry was generally an easy child to deal with; he didn't cry much, he slept well, and always seemed lively and animated. He started crawling as well and kept trying to keep up with Nina, who kept running around the house. Jonas seemed to smile more as well; he chased Nina and told her stories with her comfort object (called a cat), which she delighted in. Nina started commenting on Jonas's eyes and Fiona corrected her, stating that commenting on someone's differences was rather rude. Jonas didn't seem to mind, as he started talking about his younger sister who did the same thing as a child. He would always kiss her cheek before setting her down to eat and before he would put her to bed.

She watched him kiss her cheek and put her to bed, wrapping the covers tightly around her. She asked him to tell her a story about her "cat", provoking a wide smile.

"What do you want to name the cat?" he asked.

"Nelly," she replied in a small, high pitched voice.

"Okay, Nelly lived in a family with a mommy and a daddy, as well as an annoying little brother," he started, continuing on with a story of a cat named Nelly.

He began the story with Nelly refusing to go to school one day, but the brother rambled on the importance of it (Nina decided the little brother's name was to be Bruno, after Fiona's little brother). The "mother cat" (given a name sounding similar to Pierre, the most pedantic boy in Fiona and Jonas's age group) asked why Nelly refused, but didn't understand her explanation and took Bruno to school instead. In Jonas's story, the "father cat" (whom he named Jonathan) offered to write Nelly a late-slip if she walked with him to the bridge near the river. Throughout the story, "Nelly" asked "Jonathan" questions about his childhood and they spent an hour talking about their tendency to have thoughts differing from the norm and what imagination can teach. Fiona couldn't stop thinking about how indoctrination started at an early age and realized no matter what the doctrine, it can create single-mindedness in any individual. Even Jonas.

Nina fell asleep with her arm wrapped around her "Nelly" and Fiona was in a supine position on her bed, staring at nothing and counting the seconds until Jonas walked through the doorway and wrapped himself around his Spouse lovingly, not that she was entirely comfortable yet.

Jonas walked in, sure enough, and lied down near her, kissing her forehead. His thumb was on her cheek and his face was close to hers, making her want to push him away. She gulped and he leaned in, kissing her and making her incredibly uncomfortable. His hand made its way to the arch of her back, holding her tight, as if he couldn't control himself. She felt his tongue trying to pry its way into her mouth and she kept her teeth clenched. She tried to push him away, first with one hand to the chest and then both fists. He ended up nearly falling off the bed. He readjusted himself so he was closer to the middle.

"Why?" he asked, shaking his head disapprovingly, "I just wanted–"

"Jonas," she stammered, "It–I–What–the? Ah–Why?"

Jonas turned away from her and back again, huffing angrily about him being rejected.

"Out, Fiona," he commanded, pointing toward the door, "Out!"

She felt confused, hurt, and violated as she left the room. Fiona plopped herself on the couch, trying to sleep. She ended up shedding a tear and wiping it on her sleeve, closing her eyes. She imagined that conversation she and Asher had a few years ago. The thought of how much they laughed calmed her and she desperately wanted to see Asher again. Every day, she missed him and every time she heard a child stammer or mix up an adjective, she thought of him. Jonas once confronted her about her conversation with Asher (she had no idea he overheard part of it) and grew increasingly jealous every time Asher's name was mentioned. What happened to Jonas and Asher being best friends?

She lay there for ten minutes before Jonas came out of their room, his eyes bloodshot, but not crying. His hand stroked her hair gently and he kneeled, kissing her forehead.

"I'm sorry, Fiona," Jonas whispered, failing to get a reply from Fiona, "Come back to bed. Please?"

Fiona kept thinking about the possible outcomes if she returned to their room, what he would do to her and how she would feel after. She wondered how scarred their relationship had become.

Nevertheless, she obeyed.


	5. Caught with Asher

**Fiona: Age 23**

Nina was six and Henry was three. The boy could finally talk about the dreams he had at night, although he didn't have many. Nina teased her little brother playfully (not to mention often), which always annoyed Henry. Neither Jonas nor Fiona could help but laugh. There was an Undeclared Holiday today, which gave the couple mixed feelings. Jonas grimaced when he heard the announcement. He retreated to the Annex behind the building where Fiona worked. Fiona took her children to the Childcare and Recreation Center, where she ran into Asher.

"Hey Ash!" she greeted and let her kids play with the others.

He nodded in her direction and walked towards her. Fiona smiled at him, completely forgetting about Jonas. It felt good not to think about him.

"So how have your kids been?"

"Good. Jonas has taken well to Nina. He smiles more now," she commented. _Why did I mention his name?_

"I assume that's a good thing," replied Asher, "So he's happier? I guess that means he's cutting you some slack."

"Can I talk to you privately?"

He nodded and they went behind a storage building where recreation items were held. They made sure no one was paying attention.

"Jonas keeps hiding my pills. He did it when we first moved in together, but then he stopped for a little while. Now he's doing it again. I don't know why."

Asher looked genuinely concerned (not to mention confused). Fiona wasn't sure how he could help her, but it felt good to get this off of her chest. She still felt nervous, as if Jonas was going to pop out somewhere and scold her for revealing private things, or worse, for simply speaking to Asher.

"What else does he do?"

Fiona was about to tell him everything when Asher stared at something behind her nervously. She turned around and it confirmed her fear. The light-eyed man held a tight-lipped expression and Fiona looked down in shame. Jonas placed a hand on her arm. His touch felt unwelcome.

"Hello Asher," he said, grimacing, "I was just checking on the kids. I saw you two back here and thought I'd say hello."

Asher nodded, hoping Fiona would be spared today of whatever Jonas would have in mind. Jonas held his gaze on Asher, who took a step back from the pair. Fiona looked at Asher one last time and waved goodbye.

"I'll be seeing you later, Asher," Jonas said. Fiona had no idea what the statement implied, but she couldn't get rid of that sick feeling in her stomach.

Jonas held her head close to him, using a tight grip. Fiona gulped. His other hand held hers and he whispered in her ear.

"I know you talk to him whenever you can, at the annual Ceremonies. Don't tell him anything, Fiona. We're not doing anything wrong, but I'm unsure of how he'll interpret things. I don't trust him."

He looked up, seeing that Asher was gone, and wrapped his arm around her. She couldn't believe he was holding her this close to him in public and thought about struggling to let go, but it would just anger Jonas. She didn't want to provoke him, whatever he'd do.

"Come home with me, Fi."

"I can't. This whole Undeclared Holiday will back up things where I work and I want to make sure things go smoothly tomorrow. I'm going there to manage some paperwork," she said. She felt uncomfortable lying to him, as she hadn't planned to do this originally, but decided on going there anyway. That way, it technically wouldn't be a lie.

He seemed to believe her and said goodbye, riding his bike home. She rode to her work, parking her bike outside and walking in. She greeted the elderly, who were being cared for by substitute staff, and went to work.

It was during lunch when she was spoken to by the substitute staff, who were getting somewhat confused with the schedule set out for them. She redirected each member to his or her place, pleased to be productive. Her mind was elsewhere. She relaxed a little and went back to managing the paperwork, organizing everything from recreation schedules to Release dates.

She saw an old record of Release dates, wondering why they were still there. She figured she should send copies to the Hall of Closed Records and looked through them. One in particular caught her eye. It was the Release of the former Receiver, which had happened today. If she had addressed the Elders of her situation and they had no idea what to do, they had no one to go to but Jonas. She knew he would use his charisma to convince them the accusations were sheer nonsense.

She fled to the lavatories and sobbed.


	6. Damn it, Fiona!

**Fiona: Age 23: Part 2**

Fiona stayed at her work place for a while; at least until she was sure Jonas wouldn't come back from home. She then rode back to the Recreation Center and hoped to see Asher again. It wasn't difficult to find him.

The pair went back to where they were before and continued their discussion right where they left off. Asher seemed more cautious this time. He looked around nervously, as did Fiona. They were sitting cross-legged and their hands almost touched, not that either of them cared.

"So, the pills," Asher started nervously.

"Yeah, the pills," she repeated, "He never takes them. I can tell by the way he behaves toward me. He constantly wants _something_. Remember your first dream, Ash?"

Fiona didn't know the details of his dream, only that he had one, and Asher nodded.

"Well, he feels that for me. I feel disgusted."

"Oh," Asher said, "I'm not really surprised."

The red-head said, "He, he does this–"

She found herself unable to say more. She wasn't sure how to phrase it, the way he touched her and spied on her. Simply saying the words felt dangerous. She was afraid Asher would report it to someone, which would get back to Jonas. After that sort of thing, Jonas would finally snap. If it wasn't wrong, why _wouldn't_ Jonas might others hearing of it? In her childhood, she never witnessed Spouses doing what Jonas was trying to do to her. She broke down again and leaped into Asher's arms. He was stunned, but considering what Fiona was dealing with, he tried not to judge her reaction. He held her and tried to comfort her. She kissed his cheek. He was bewildered.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ash! I didn't mean to! I'm doing, oh, never-mind!"

"Jonas does that to you, doesn't he?" he whispered.

She nodded weakly, her eyes elsewhere.

Finally, she said, "He does worse."

…

The couple was home again with their kids. Nina held her "cat" while Henry held his "horse". The kids would play imaginary games with these toys, which Jonas encouraged. Fiona found it odd that he could do so well with their children but mess up their own relationship. Nina and Henry never witnessed what their parents did behind closed doors. She wasn't sure whether or not that comforted her and dropped the subject.

It was dinnertime and Nina reminded them of the nightly ritual. The older couple wasn't particularly enthusiastic, so Nina and Henry took to arguing who goes first. Jonas allowed Nina to share before Henry, much to the young boy's annoyance. Fiona smiled at his impatient gestures.

"We played games all day!" chirped Nina, "Henry was breaking _every_ game rule!"

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Settle down," said Fiona, "Nina, continue."

"It was okay, because I beat you!" Nina exclaimed, laughing at Henry.

"You're mean!" Henry shouted back, softly hitting Nina with a curled fist.

"Henry, no hitting!" Jonas reprimanded. Fiona took note that if Nina had done the same thing, Jonas would have been more lax.

Henry shared trivial details about his day. He talked about games he played and some weird thing a young child built with sand. Fiona got to share about her day. Jonas paid particular attention to this.

"I spoke to Asher earlier before I went to my work. I had to sort out paperwork because everything was disorganized."

"I saw you two talking, Mother," said Nina, "After you went to work, you came back and talked to him. You two hugged. _That's against the rules._"

Henry paid no attention. Jonas, however, was infuriated. Fiona commented on how it was a minor infraction and she had said the proper apology, which is important in civil behavior. That seemed to calm Nina down. Jonas started tapping his fingers restlessly. Fiona gulped.

"Nina, Henry, why don't you to go to bed?" he said impatiently, "Nina, you became quite good at inventing stories, tell Henry one so he can sleep."

"Okay, Father," replied Nina, which earned her a kiss on the forehead. She took her little brother to their room, closing the door.

Jonas sat down again, across from Fiona, glaring. She turned away, but he leaned over the table and placed his hand on her chin. He turned her face back to him and sat down again. She still glanced away, much to his annoyance. He huffed and grunted.

"Look at me, Fiona," he said angrily, "I want to talk to you. When I do, I want you to look at me."

She could barely manage to look into his eyes. The piercing light shade made it all the more difficult. It felt like he was peering inside of her thoughts, dissecting each memory and creating a more convoluted story. She bit her lip uncomfortably. Her hands were on the table and she tried to withdraw them, but Jonas reached out and held them.

"Please, Fiona, don't be afraid of me. I just want to talk."

"About what?" she asked in a weak voice.

"Nina said she saw you go back after you went to your workplace. She told us you hugged Asher."

He held her hands gently, as if he was trying to reassure her he wasn't going to harm her. She wasn't convinced.

"Can you tell me what you were talking about?"

She shook her head.

"Fiona, please," he whispered reassuringly, "I don't want to hurt you. You can talk to me."

She remained silent.

"You were talking about me, weren't you?" he finally accused her, "Weren't you?"

"Yes."

"And why were you hugging him?"

She almost cried. She held back a tear and whispered, "I don't know."

He huffed in frustration and stood up, his hand slapping the table. The sound seemed to echo throughout the house. Fiona suspected that Nina and Henry were eavesdropping. She wasn't sure whether this would be a good or bad thing and her mind later settled on the latter.

"Fiona, it's one thing I tell you not to do!" he replied rather harshly, "What don't you understand?"

Her tears broke through whatever barrier Fiona held up. _This is the third time I cried today._ She wiped them away and hid her face. He approached her again, stroking his fingers through her hair. She felt sick.

"I don't mean to be so harsh with you, Fiona," he said gently, "I'm just upset that you would go behind my back when I thought I could trust you. I already had a bad day. The previous Receiver was Released."

"I know," she whispered, "I'm sorry. He must have meant a lot to you."

Jonas smiled a little. He went to bed, leaving Fiona alone in the room. She decided to sleep on the living room couch that night. She didn't have any blankets, so she was somewhat cold. She hardly minded. To distract herself, she thought about her past conversations with her best friend until she fell asleep.

That night, she dreamt of him.


	7. Unwarranted Stirrings

**Fiona: Age 25**

Despite Jonas's pleading, Fiona would end up talking to Asher at every Ceremony and whenever else she got the chance. Even if it was just to say hello, speaking to him felt like having the weight of the world simply lifted off of your shoulders for at least a short moment. It was in those moments she felt like a child again, something she craved more than anything. She remembered Jonas in his childhood: very happy, intelligent and caring. It frightened her to see how much he changed. He was still as intelligent as he was before, if not more. The ability to have compassion for others didn't seem to end when it came to their children. Why was he so _strange_ around her?

Jonas seemed to speak even less to his family unit and spend more time in solitude. Fiona was always quite relieved when he decided to spend the night in the Annex the previous Receiver lived in before he was Released two years prior. It was a shame though, she thought. She once held the desire to meet the old man who mentored her husband, simply to get a glimpse of Jonas's future. He couldn't be nearly as cruel, she thought, so how could Jonas turn out so different? From what she had heard about the late Elder, he was a kind man. Someone from the outside could have seen Jonas as a kind man now, she concluded, but that didn't change how he treated her in private. There were a few kind moments they had shared, but she started to wonder if it was really worth it.

Last night and tonight, Jonas decided to stay home. They had finished the nightly ritual and the kids had gone off to bed, leaving Jonas and Fiona alone. She had decided to take a shower while Jonas was waiting on the bed they shared, half asleep. It wasn't until she shut the door and turned on the water when she thought about the previous night.

When she thought about it, she couldn't tell if it was a Stirrings dream or if it had actually happened. She remembered the dream being very intense and involving things she had _never_ experienced before. Even the scents were unfamiliar – and to her – quite disgusting. In the dream, several rules were broken (not taking the pill being the most minor infraction). Now, when she reflected on it, those were rules that Jonas would thoroughly enjoy defying, which put her on edge. The Stirrings dream was sure not by chance. It had felt so _real. _

The odd thing was she was only half-asleep when this dream came. She was lying underneath blankets, facing Jonas. They were both having trouble completely falling asleep, so they simply were lying there, saying nothing. She had yawned and he placed his hand on her back, under her tunic. Fiona fell asleep instantly, suddenly placed in the middle of this dream that featured a complete stranger.

She had woken up that morning feeling unusually sore. It became difficult for her to walk, run and even ride a bike. Jonas looked at her quizzically that morning, but didn't seem all that surprised, which confused her. It surprised her that he wasn't asking why she was walking awkwardly, but he offered to help her. She rejected his offer and continued the day, pushing away any thought about the previous night. It didn't occur to her that she could take Relief of Pain, but when she thought about it, she couldn't provide a reason for the aforementioned medication.

Now that she was alone, she had all the freedom in the world to think about what had happened. Upon her waking moment that morning, the strange scent was still lingering and Jonas was unusually close to her, still asleep. They were both somewhat sweaty, but Fiona had brushed that off from being underneath heavy blankets. When she reflected on that morning, Jonas seemed unusually content. She didn't want to think of the implications of this any further and pushed the thought aside, only to have it come back to her later.

It was a good thing she had remembered to take a change of nighttime clothes with her to the bathroom, she thought, considering her recent musings. She changed as slowly as she could without it seeming suspicious before she went to the couch. There, she rested on her back, breathing slowly. She peered up once in a while to see if Jonas had fallen asleep yet or not. He never did until she came back. _He can't stay up _all _night_. With this thought in mind, she stayed in the living room until she fell asleep.

If she had dreamt during that short period of rest, she didn't have any recollection of it. All she remembered was suddenly being woken up by the sensation of being squished and a male voice shouting "ow!".

"Sorry, Fiona," Jonas giggled, gripping himself in mild pain, "I was getting some water from our kitchen and I tripped when I came back."

Fiona stared at him with confusion, but given the time and the situation, she couldn't help but giggle too. Even if it was the very man she was uncomfortable being around, the given situation seemed humorous. She noticed he hadn't changed into his nighttime clothes.

"Which begs the question of why you're sleeping out here," Jonas added in a strangely lighthearted manner.

"I was just resting here and I fell asleep," she partially lied.

"Well come back to bed," he replied playfully. He smiled in a way that made her see the younger version of him. In these moments she was truly disarmed. She obeyed.

Fiona was resting on the bed when Jonas decided it was totally appropriate to change in front of her. She turned away. When he was finished, he settled on the bed next to her, being his inappropriately affectionate self. He decided kissing her neck and holding her from behind was the most appropriate thing to do, despite Fiona thinking otherwise, but it surely didn't stop him from enjoying himself. She didn't completely push him away, but she told him she wanted to sleep, so he stopped. She had fallen asleep near him and he embraced her the same way he did the night before.

She had a similar dream about Stirrings. She and a complete stranger, different from the previous dream, had done the exact same forbidden dream. The same sensations were there: the foreign scent, the strange feeling of giving in to the Stirrings, and the post-coital fatigue. What differed from last night and tonight was how long she had slept and what she discovered upon awaking.

She opened her eyes, lying in a supine position with Jonas above her, and was horrified.


	8. Tension

**Fiona: Age 25**

Fiona hid in the bathroom for the remainder of the night. She placed a hamper in front of the door (not that it would help much) so it would stay closed and started hyperventilating. The incident that occurred upon her waking moment was so bizarre, if not scarring. She wasn't entirely in pain, as the Stirrings memory made the process _much_ easier, but she was still emotionally scarred. Although Jonas had been controlling for their entire time of being spouses, she had never imagined him doing this. In retrospect, she couldn't say she was truly surprised.

That morning, Jonas gave her a pill, claiming that taking it would prevent whatever natural consequences of the previous night's events. He was watching her, so she washed it down with water before waking up the kids to have their morning meal. Fiona couldn't share anything, which made her thoughts go in a frenzy. Her children didn't have particularly interesting dreams anyway, so the whole process was quick. Nina and Henry were instructed to leave early to get to school. Fiona tried to hurry out the door, but Jonas grabbed her arm under the pretense that he wanted to talk to her. She almost jumped at his touch, but soon calmed down. Nevertheless, she was suspicious.

Jonas wrapped his arms in a tight embrace, causing her "fight vs. flight" feeling to go into full swing.

"I'm sorry, Fiona," he whispered in her ear, repeating it rather quickly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"I forgive you, Jonas," she whispered back, not meaning a word of it. In truth, she just needed to flee.

"Thank you," he said, not backing up _at all_, "Did I ever tell you how much I care for you? Because I do, deeply, and I want you to know that."

"I don't want to be late for work," she half-lied, "They're strict about punctuality."

He let her go. She fled.

* * *

><p><strong>Fiona: Age 27<strong>

It had been going on for two years. He never went as far as that one night, but he still went farther than she could ever be comfortable with. He convinced her that if she told, she would be in trouble too. So, she kept silent.

It was the end of the year Ceremony. Nina was turning Nine, Henry was turning Five. Jonas had been secretly teaching Nina to ride a bike for over a year and Fiona noticed they had really bonded through that experience. Henry, however, wasn't nearly as comfortable around his father. He always wanted to stick with Fiona, who always monitored the way Jonas acted around him. Jonas never physically harmed him, but he was always stern when it came to chastisement. Fiona suspected Jonas was harsher towards Henry because the boy could tell there was something very wrong in the house. Once, when Fiona and Henry were alone, he asked if spouses ever applied for a permanent separation. This surprised her and for a long time, that moment never left her mind.

During the afternoon meal, she came across Asher again. He greeted her as if their friendship had never changed, but she found she couldn't reciprocate the gesture. Whenever she spoke to him, she talked nervously and Asher soon understood.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," he said, "I just want to know if you're okay."

Fiona nodded weakly and knew Asher didn't believe her, but he dropped the subject. He still stood by her, which comforted her. Eventually, he had to leave, but he stayed with her as long as he could, or until Jonas caught them, whichever came first.

Unfortunately, the latter came true.

* * *

><p>Jonas was not pleased. When the kids had finished their meals and gone to their rooms, Fiona started to feel increased tension. She didn't want Jonas to chastise her for even standing <em>near<em> Asher, but she didn't want to apologize either. Moments with Asher felt amazing compared to her home life and she was not ready to give that up. Still, she couldn't breathe with that painful silence filling the room.

"I'm sorry, Jonas," she whispered and he held her close.

She was saved, for now.

* * *

><p><strong>Whoo! Leave a review listing any criticisms, tips and whatnot that you have. Remember that first chapter? The next chapter is going to pick up where that left off (whaaat? The climax in the first chapter? Or is it?)<strong>


	9. The Final Straw

**Fiona: Age 28, Part 2**

She was still weeping on the floor, her hand gripping tightly to one of the legs of a table. Nina reluctantly stayed in her room, trying to distract Henry with stories of his comfort object, while Fiona waited for the Pain Relief pills. It seemed like forever until they came, but soon enough, a man knocked on the door. Nina left the room to answer it. She hopped over Fiona, careful not to injure her further and opened the door to see a young man with several pill jars on a tray.

"Hello, Nina," said the man, "Someone from this unit ordered Relief-of-pain."

"Yes," she replied.

"However, the injury wasn't specified during the request."

Nina looked over to Fiona, who attempted to prop herself up with the table. She limped a few times, tripped, and shrieked with pain. The man and Nina stared at her, then at each other.

"The strongest one you have," she said, grabbing the most potent pill jar and slamming the door.

"Oh, Mother!" she said before Jonas came out from the bedroom.

"Nina, don't worry," Jonas said, "I'll take care of her. Go put Henry back to sleep, he's probably woken up by now."

He was kneeling a little to look her in the eye and gave her a hug reassuringly. Fiona, still in incredible pain, started to sob even more now that Jonas had control of the pain pills. She had no idea what Jonas's intentions were, but she had the sick feeling he had some nefarious deed in mind. Nina fell for his trick and retreated to her room, telling Henry more stories.

Jonas examined the pill jar and opened it. Fiona looked at the pills hungrily, trying to reach out to grab one uselessly. The man snickered and started to dump the little pills in a trash bin, causing Fiona to shriek in objection. The soft sounds of the pills hitting the sides and bottom of the trash bin taunted her. For what seemed like an eternity, that was the only sound she could hear in the silent night.

"Careful, Fiona, you'll wake up the kids," he mocked, "Besides, do you think _I _had the pills to help me? Nope. Not at all."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" she screamed.

"Oh, that's a hard question," he replied, still dumping the pills, "There's a long list of things I want. Oh, where do I start? Well, let's start with you."

From the corner of her eye, Fiona saw Nina open the door slightly, allowing only a little room to see her eye. The child's light eye looked at Fiona's pained face and then at Jonas's tall, haunting figure, seeing the pills fall to the bottom of the bin like droplets in a rushing waterfall. Fiona mouthed "help me", but she wasn't sure Nina understood. Nina was just as afraid as Fiona was, as made evident by her skittish gestures. It all seemed so hopeless.

Jonas's looming figure towered over Fiona's cowering frame and he kneeled down, his eyes too haunting to be looked at directly. Fiona looked at the floor and at her aching leg.

"All I ever wanted was you," he whispered, "It's rather complicated, the things I do, you hardly understand, but it's just too much sometimes. Sometimes," he let out a moan, "I, ohh, I just can't help myself."

Jonas clutched the aching leg, making Fiona scream. She tried to pull away, but he held with a tight grip, causing Fiona to relive the very moment her leg suffered the brunt of the memory. Just then, Henry came out from his bedroom and shrieked.

"You're hurting Mother!" he screamed, "You're hurting Mother!"

Nina came out of the bedroom as well. Instead of reacting loudly the way Henry did, she simply reacted in complete shock, her emotional state rendering her powerless.

"Father," she said, barely louder than a whisper, "What are you doing? Why did you throw the pain pills away?"

"Go back to your room," he ordered, to which they both disobeyed, "Are you deaf? I said _go back!_"

"You're a mean father!" Henry shouted, "You're hurting Mother! Stop hurting Mother, or I'll tell the Speaker!"

"Father," Nina whimpered, "Why were you doing that to Mother?"

"It's rather complicated, Nina," he responded, "Someday, you'll understand. I'll teach you everything."

Jonas was almost panting in nervousness, but if there was one thing he was good at, it was deception. Fiona saw right through it and spat in his face. Hurting her was one thing, but harming the children was something else.

"You won't _touch_ her, Jonas!" she screamed, "You won't! Not Nina nor Henry!"

"Shut up!"

Henry was simply _finished_ with Jonas's abuse and ran to him, attacking him with small fists. Jonas shoved him out of the way, but Henry kept attacking him. He finally turned around and grabbed Henry's fists so tight, the little boy thought his circulation would be completely cut off.

"Don't you _ever_ touch me like that again, _do you understand?"_ he spoke more than sternly.

"Stop hurting Mother!" he wailed.

Nina looked at Fiona, whose face had streaks on them from tears. She was barely able to speak anymore, but when she could muster up the energy, she pointed to the trash bin. Nina looked down at saw the pills. The girl was certain that if she grabbed a single pill, Jonas would catch her and smack it right out of her hand. Nina instead kicked the trash bin down, making the contents spill and scatter across the floor.

"Nina, what are you _doing?" _Jonas shrieked and grabbed her arm, almost tossing her across the room.

Right when Jonas wasn't watching, Fiona grabbed a pill, blew the dust off of it and consumed it. The relief was almost instantaneous. Once her leg pain was reduced to almost nothing, she propped herself up with more strength than she knew she had. She was almost numb, but at the same time, filled with adrenaline. She surveyed the scene with one glance: Nina whimpering on the floor, a chair knocked down, Jonas towering over her, and Henry glancing at the speaker.

"Henry, call for help!" Fiona shrieked, causing the younger boy to run to the speaker and make several unintelligible noises.

Once Henry was finally able to speak, Jonas caught site of him and tried to avoid tripping over Nina to get to the boy. Fiona, no longer rendered immobile, ran to him and jumped on him.

"YOU TOOK THE PILL, DIDN'T YOU?" he screamed.

"DON'T EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING THEM!"

He threw himself down, causing her to fall on her back. The pill started to affect her vision, as things were darkening and becoming blurry. She tried to reach out to him in order to push him away when she re-experienced the memory again. Jonas's face changed to the taunting man in the memory and back again. For a second, she couldn't tell whether it was Jonas or the strange man screaming at her. She clawed as best as she could when she placed her hands on his bare shoulders and felt the memory leaving her. The memory itself became blurry and fleeting.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" he shrieked in pain, "WHY?"

As she had completed the transfer, she felt a huge weight lifted off of her shoulders. He started writhing just above her and fell, rolling onto the floor.

"Henry," she panted, "Did you call for help?"

He nodded.

"Whatever I did," she panted again, "That should keep him down long enough for them to come."

She found that Jonas recuperated much faster than she did and was up, limping, in minutes. He was attempting to charge towards the three others, but his leg prevented him from going any faster than he could, so he was walking lamely.

"You did this, Fiona!" he growled, "This… this could all have been prevented."

"Mother," Henry whimpered, "I'm scared."

He started laughing maniacally, just the way he did when he first transferred Fiona the memory. She was afraid he would make the same speech again and target the boy. As for Nina, she was unsure, but she couldn't see any barrier that would stop him from hurting her. Nina took Fiona's side and that was enough to fuel Jonas's fury.

"You think this is true fear," he snickered, "No, no, nooo."

"LEAVE US ALONE, JONAS!" she shouted.

He ignored her and leaped after Henry, who was kicking and screaming in attempt to escape. Fiona recognized the motions Jonas was making: the tearing of the shirt and the hand placed on his back. She leaped onto Jonas to prevent Henry from receiving the same torture she had endured. Henry dropped to the floor, crying for Nina. Nina scooped him up. Jonas and Fiona were on the floor, clawing at each other. Jonas finally got Fiona in a supine position, his legs pinning her down, and his arms working her neck. She could hardly breathe.

"Mother!" Nina screamed.

Just then, several people came bursting through the door, interrupting the scene.

"Get up!" they shouted, "This is the Law Enforcement!"

Several men got up to take Jonas off of Fiona and pin him to the wall. They handcuffed him while a woman was surveying the scene. There was a knocked over trash bin with pain pills scattered across the floor, a broken chair, two children cowering in a corner and Fiona racing to embrace them. They were all crying and moaning when Fiona looked over to the handcuffed man.

"I hate you, Fiona!" Jonas screamed and was led out the door, leaving the trio hurt, confused and uncertain of their future.

* * *

><p>It was a long and arduous process. Jonas was detained. Fiona, Nina and Henry were kept in a separate Dwelling, where they were questioned about the scene. Nina could barely speak and Henry kept crying at screaming that Father hurt Mother. Fiona struggled to describe the memory transfer. The pill she took earlier seemed to affect her recollection of the events. She told of the violent outburst, being stripped and knocked down on the table, and the strange memory. The man interviewing her was baffled by the description, but he didn't dare say which words were obsolete and which weren't. He was careful to include them as well, as censoring her message would have been counterproductive.<p>

Asher visited Fiona the next day while Jonas was questioned about Fiona's accusations. She had no idea what was really happening with Jonas or what he would tell them, but she was relieved that he was kept away from the kids.

"How are you doing, Fiona?"

"Good, now," she said, "Thank you for visiting."

"Your welcome," he replied, "You know, I never thought it would escalate to this. I'm sorry I didn't do anything before."

She hugged him, burying her head into his shoulder. He was caught completely by surprise, but he embraced her. Neither of them apologized to each other; they didn't have to.

"Just knowing I could talk to you did a lot, Ash," she whispered, "Even if Jonas didn't let me. I would do it anyway."

Pretty soon, Asher was taken in for questioning, as he had displayed some knowledge of their situation. She wasn't sure how long he had been interviewed, but it felt like an eternity. Fiona held her two kids close to her. Nina buried herself into her mother and Henry held Fiona's hand.

"What's going to happen?" Nina asked nervously, her words only partially intelligible.

"I don't know, Nina," she replied, "I just know the worst is over."

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, wow! Sooo, I guess that first part was the climax, not the first chapter. How was that? Did it seem realistic? What do you think will happen to Jonas? What about Fiona? The children? Asher?<strong>

**Leave a review writing tips, criticisms, high points, and other stuff. Well, Jonas is detained, now I can sleep.**


	10. The Trial

**Fiona: Age 28, Part 3**

That night, Fiona had a nightmare. The entire dream consisted of bits and pieces of the incredible fight that happened between her and Jonas. Even in her sleep, she swore she could feel Jonas's hand on her back, pressing firmly in order to transfer one of those strange visions he held in the recesses of his mind. Oftentimes, during the night, she would wake up from this strange sensation only to realize no one was there. It felt like a phantom limb.

When she woke up for the third time, she heard Henry crying in his sleep. She went over to his room and comforted the boy, who buried his head into her shoulder and wept. His tears soaked through Fiona's tunic and he fell asleep. She feared he would cry in his sleep again. She left to Nina's room to see her eyelids twitching rapidly. Nina must be dreaming about the incident too. Fiona decided to leave them both be, as she needed her sleep.

For a week, she was able to go to work, and the children to school. However, the children had a hard time focusing and often came home unusually tired and moody. They would refuse to do their nightly assignments and as a result, their grades were slowly starting to drop. Fiona also found it difficult to focus at work and often forgot things throughout the day.

During that week, Fiona always felt paranoid that Jonas would be watching over her. She knew he had access to pretty much everything, so whenever she saw a camera in a room, her arm would be covered in goose bumps and her thoughts would become frantic. She always requested someone to accompany her. Fiona knew that Jonas's Annex was right behind this building and feared that he could come out of there any minute and right into her workplace.

There was a Release Ceremony later that week, which took her mind off things while she was in the auditorium. It was a retired Nurturer, whom she recognized before. Suddenly, her own memory started to play right before her eyes.

_The last child, number 50, was a Female named Nina. Jonas and Fiona were called to the stage to receive their baby, who had barely opened her eyes. Jonas seemed to recognize the Nurturer that brought their baby, mainly due to his hateful expression towards the older, childless man._

_"Congratulations, Jonas and Fiona," the man said, handing them little Nina._

_"She has light eyes, Jonas," Fiona observed with a smile. Hopefully that observation alone should cheer up her Spouse._

_"Yeah," he paused, looking at the child and back at the Nurturer, "like Gabriel."_

Fiona started to weep and attempted to hold back her tears. She excused herself to the Release room, as it was her turn to conduct the actual Release. She had performed the ritual many times before, but all of the sudden, it started to feel strange. A camera was placed in the corner of the room and that paranoia returned again.

The man was brought into the Release room, completely relaxed. He sat on the gurney and awaited his final moments. Fiona filled the syringe with the euthanasia drug, squirting just a bit out of the needle to be sure it worked. She flicked the tube just once and looked at the man.

"You were Jonas's father, weren't you?" she asked.

"Yes, I was," he replied, "I heard of, well, you know."

"It seems quite a few people have," she answered, "Even when the Law Enforcement tries to keep things a bit secretive, someone ends up knowing something that they shouldn't."

The old man sighed, "Somehow, I feel like I could have done something, in his youth. He was such a good child. I don't know what happened. The Twelfth year of his life, he started to become very distant from me. He never smiled upon me again."

"I recognize you," she said, "You gave us Nina. I remember that day, Jonas said something about a boy named Gabriel."

"He was a baby that stayed with us during his first year and second year because he had trouble sleeping at night. I knew the Night Crew couldn't handle it. After that second year, he was voted to be Released. Jonas ran away with him. After the community found the pair, the baby was Released."

The old man restlessly looked at the camera and at the rest of his surroundings, breathing tired breaths.

"I don't think he ever forgave me."

"Sometimes," Fiona replied, "I wondered if I could have done something different."

"Me too."

"Sir," she whispered, placing a hand on his cheek, "Don't be Released filled with regret. You did only what you knew to do, and so did I."

She took his arm, placed the needle in his vein and looked up at him for one last time. He nodded and smiled.

"Thank you, Fiona," he whispered.

She injected the fluid until the syringe was completely empty, promptly removing the needle and lying the man down on the gurney. He started to convulse and twitch until that poisonous fluid reached his heart and he completely expired. She placed a finger on his individual eyes and closed them, whispering goodbye and dragging his body down to the chute. The body, hitting against the sides of the chute, kept making loud, familiar, bump-e-ty noises. When the noises were perhaps no more than an echo, Fiona looked at the camera and wondered if Jonas was watching from his private Annex. That feeling of paranoia returned again and she fled from the room.

By the end of the week, the kids' instructors and Fiona's superiors both suggested they take some time off, as the recent chaos has disrupted their productivity. They were all grateful for it. It wasn't long until the actual trial, where the information gleaned from every witness would be presented before a court and Jonas's punishment was determined. Fiona, Nina and Henry were all nervous, but Fiona tried to reassure her children everything will be all right. During the actual trial, however, Nina and Henry learned that the fight happened for a reason, and that it wasn't the first time Jonas had been so manipulating.

It wasn't a very large courtroom. Fiona, Nina, and Henry said on one side of the room alongside Asher while Jonas sat opposite of them. Fiona couldn't even look at Jonas without parts of the incident playing in her head. Asher tried to comfort Fiona as much as he could and for that, she was grateful.

There was a Head Judge, sitting in the front of the room. Another person sat beside him, who kept records for the purposes of the trial. Other assistants were scurrying about, all of them taking a glance at the witnesses and the accused with curious and sometimes judging eyes. Fiona was called up to the witness stand first. She walked nervously to the chair beside the Head Judge and scanned the room, all eyes on her.

The Head Judge cleared his throat and read some of the papers the record-keeper had handed to him.

"First, let's talk about the most recent event: The night of the," he said, then coughed nervously, "incident. When you were previously questioned, this _strange_ occurrence you described happened after the Telling of Feelings, right?"

She nodded.

"Describe exactly what happened," he said, "I'm going to compare it to our records."

"After the Telling of Feelings, I excused the children to do their homework," she said, "I asked Jonas what's wrong because lately, during the nightly ritual, he would have this expression. I couldn't understand why, so I asked him. He just shouted at me, saying I don't have feelings and that I don't understand anything."

She shed a single tear at the recollection. Grabbing a tissue to wipe her face, she was able to continue.

"Jonas grabbed me and then forced me down on the table. He tore my tunic off to expose my back and placed his hands there. That was when I suffered from a strange vision."

The Head Judge and the Record-Keeper compared notes before allowing her to proceed.

"The records say you described this vision with quite a few obsolete words."

"I couldn't think of any other way to describe it," Fiona replied, "Besides, that strange vision ended up leaving me and returning to Jonas later that night, so I don't remember it all."

"So, back to the point when you received this vision," the Head Judge continued, "After the vision was completed, you felt what was described as a great pain in your leg."

"Yes. After that, Nina came out of the room and I told her to request Relief-of-Pain. She asked me what happened, but I couldn't tell her. I wasn't able to describe it, then."

Nina was called to another witness stand in a seat adjacent to Fiona's. She trotted up there, still very fearful. Fiona looked at Jonas again, who looked away mournfully. His hands were in his face and he was leaning forward. She looked at Nina hopefully, who gave her a reassuring smile. The smile itself was weak, she knew, but she doubted anyone would be so strong in times like these.

"Nina," the Head Judge spoke, "Describe the moment when your Mother asked for the Relief-of-Pain."

"I was doing homework and I heard some noise outside of my room. I came out and saw Mother on the floor, crying. Father wasn't there. She stuttered when she asked for the Relief-of-Pain. I asked what's wrong. She ignored me. The man with the Relief-of-Pain jars came to our door. Mother tried to get up, but she fell and screamed. I took the strongest pills and closed the door. That's when Father came out."

Fiona looked at Jonas again. It looked like he had been crying. She couldn't really think of a reason he would be crying now, except for the fact that he would receive a punishment.

"What did your father do?" asked the Head Judge, "I'm asking simply to compare your answers with our records."

"He came out of the room and told me he would take care of Mother and that I should go to my room and tell stories to Henry. He thought Henry would have woken up by then. I believed him."

"I'm sorry, Mother," she wept.

The Head Judge waited until Nina was done crying before continuing. Fiona comforted Nina by placing a hand on her back. The entire room was tense. Fiona glanced at Asher, who was looking after Henry.

"What happened between you and Henry when you returned to the room?"

"He was awake and scared. I told him Father was giving Mother Relief-of-Pain pills and she would be okay. He didn't believe me. I held him to restrain him. He kept telling me that Father was going to hurt Mother. He said that Father did it before. I didn't believe him. He got out of my arms and opened the bedroom door. He kept screaming that Father was hurting Mother," Nina explained, choking on tears.

The Head Judge excused Nina and focused on Fiona. She told the judge about how Henry tried to protect his mother, how Jonas had deliberately prevented her from taking the Relief-of-Pain pills, caused her further pain and verbally taunted her. She described Nina's initial helplessness and the further details of the conflict. Fiona told of what she did when she finally consumed the pill and how Jonas reacted to the kids' defenses. Finally, she told the Head Judge of how she returned the strange vision to Jonas, how quickly he recuperated and everything up until the point where the Law Enforcement came in.

After that, the Head Judge asked Henry to come up to the witness stand specifically to explain what he meant when he claimed that Father hurt Mother before. He explained that one night, a couple of years ago, he woke up in the middle of the night and heard strange moans coming from his parents' bedroom. He assumed that someone was in pain and that his suspicion was confirmed when he hid behind his bedroom door and saw Mother going into the bathroom to cry. He wondered, due to the tension between his parents, if they were going to get a permanent separation.

"I'm happy now," he concluded, "that Father won't hurt Mother anymore."

Henry was excused and Fiona was brought up to the witness stand to explain Henry's story. She knew she couldn't. Fiona remembered when Jonas convinced her that, for what they did behind that bedroom door, she would get in trouble as well. She didn't believe that anymore, but she had trouble describing what he did. She described the dreams (which she now realized were transferred visions) that happened the night he violated her and the Head Judge asked why she hadn't taken the pills. Fiona explained that Jonas hid them and refused to take them himself.

"Which is why he violated me the way he did, when I had the dreams," she said, "Or, I thought they were dreams at the time. I know now that they were transferred visions because I wouldn't have been able to fashion up such a dream that _satisfied_ Stirrings."

Fiona sighed at the recollection and continued, "What occurred in the vision mirrored what he was doing to me. It happened twice. The second time I woke up too early and found out what he did. I fled to the bathroom to be separated from him."

Fiona further elaborated on the way Jonas deceived her into keeping silent about the matter. The Head Judge asked if there were other ways Jonas tried to keep her from communicating to others about her home life. She told him that Jonas wanted her to stop talking to Asher.

Asher was called up to the witness stand to describe his encounters with Fiona. Asher talked about the time he saw her at the Ceremony, when Fiona first received Nina. As he continued with his descriptions of further encounters, he told the Head Judge of his suspicions and how he noticed her withdrawal. After he described his encounters with Fiona, he described one time when he ran into Jonas at the river. They were still somewhat young then. Asher had witnessed Jonas dumping pills into the river. Jonas, as the Head Judge declared, was guilty of three infractions: transferring of memories outside of one's occupation, refusal of the treatment of Stirrings, and assault/battery.

"Jonas," the Head Judge spoke aloud, "As the current Receiver, we cannot have you Released immediately. Therefore, you will be given a year to train an assigned apprentice and be Released after that year is up. You will not be allowed outside of your Annex Dwelling and another Elder will closely supervise the training period."

The Head Judge pounded the gavel and Fiona, along with her kids, felt a huge weight lifted off of their backs. _After over ten years, _thought Fiona, _it's finally over. _Nina and Henry held hands while Fiona followed Asher out of the courtroom. Jonas, who was completely hysterical, caught up to Fiona and cornered her.

"Leave her alone!" called out some other man, who was responsible for restraining him, "You already received your sentence!"

"Just wait, Fiona!" he panted and wept, "Please, I'm sorry. I don't think I've ever felt so guilty. Please forgive me."

The restraint man came to Jonas and handcuffed him to lead him away, but he resisted, saying one last thing to his former Spouse.

"Fiona!" Jonas called out as she was about to leave him, "Please, Fiona!"

She turned around, flashing him a hateful look for every lie he told her, for every way he manipulated her, for every vision given, for every time he tried to keep her from telling someone else of her troubles, for every bit of physical pain delivered and for every time she cried.

"I love you."

* * *

><p><strong>So, leave a review telling me what you think of this chapter. Do you think the judicial system could have been designed differently? List any other criticisms, tips, predictions, etc. in a review. Also, point out any inconsistencies that I might have missed. <strong>

**What did you think of the punishment? Was it appropriate?**


	11. The Last Visit

**Fiona: Age 28, Part 4**

_I love you. _

That strange word haunted her throughout the night. Fiona kept replaying those three words Jonas had last said to her so often that they seemed to replay themselves when she least needed them to. She had no idea what they meant and judging from Jonas's treatment of her, she assumed it was an incredibly sinister force. It was no wonder the community lacked it, whatever it was.

She advised that they conduct the Telling of Feelings, but it was more for the feeling of normalcy than anything. The children didn't argue about who would go first, as everyone's feelings felt too complicated to understand. Finally, Henry volunteered.

"I'm glad," he said, "That Father's not here with us. Maybe you can apply for a new Spouse. I liked Asher. He seems like he would be a great father."

Fiona smiled at the suggestion. She had depended on Asher so much more than he knew and hoped that he could someday be her new Spouse. She thought about how much the children would thrive under his care. Henry wouldn't have to live with that sick feeling he did with Jonas. Nina, however, would have a harder time.

"Nina?"

She cried and left the table, shutting the door behind her when she fled to her room. Henry looked at Fiona, confused.

"Excuse me one moment, Henry," she said just above a whisper and went to Nina's room.

Fiona found the girl lying on her belly, sobbing into a pillow. She assumed that Nina couldn't possibly speak about it, as it would bring up traumatic memories again. Still, she had to try.

"Nina," she said softly, "Oh, it must be so hard for you!"

"I don't understand why Father did it," she wept, her words only partially intelligible due to the fact that her face was against a pillow, "What happened to him?"

"I can hardly understand it myself," Fiona replied, "He used to be so happy as a child. Ever since he was Selected, he changed."

Nina got up so her face was revealed. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot. Her lips were pouty. She was sniffing as if she had never cried before. Nina kept rubbing her hands on her eyes and choking on tears.

"Father was so kind to me," she spoke again, "He told me stories and taught me to ride my bike and–and, remember when you said he gave you a vision?"

"Yes," she said painfully.

"He gave me one too, when I was feeling unusually sad once," Nina replied, much to Fiona's horror, "It was a very happy vision, too. It helped me, I think it could help you too."

Nina found that she couldn't continue and wailed again, burying herself in her mother's arms. Fiona could hear Nina hiccupping and comforted her as best she could, but she doubted she could act as that same figure Jonas had before Nina saw him as a monster.

"I'll talk to him," Fiona said, catching the girl's attention, "I'll ask him why, for you, Nina. I'll go tomorrow and get answers to your questions. I'll ask him what drove him, what made him that way, why he turned on you. Would you like that?"

Nina got up and nodded, comforted as she finally went under the warm blankets. Fiona was surprised that Jonas had given Nina a memory and thought that maybe she could give them back to him. That way, she wouldn't any more reminders than she needed.

"Nina," Fiona suggested, "Can you give me the vision Jonas gave you?"

"Sure," Nina said, "I think it could help you. You suffered more than I did."

"Thank you, Nina."

Nina placed her hands on Fiona's back, transferring a vision. She saw the night sky and a large expanse of water in front of her, making soft waves. Grainy sand tickled her toes and brushed against the bottoms of her feet. Suddenly, several people gathered to sit down on the sand and look up. She thought she saw some little speck of _something_ go up into the sky. Suddenly, several sparks burst away from each other, making a thundering sound and amazing the people around her. _Fireworks. _She had to admit that the sight amazed her. It was _beautiful._ Fiona felt total bliss, even stronger than she had ever felt. Finally, the memory was complete and Nina fell asleep in her bed. Fiona embraced her and left the room to see Henry looking at her curiously.

"Are you okay, Mother?"

She nodded in response, "Yes, Henry, I'm just tired. It's been a long day, we could all use some rest."

* * *

><p>Fiona had applied for a Spouse the next morning and spent the rest of the day distracting herself with her work. They all had nightmares that night and Fiona expected that to continue for a while. Still, she was entertained by the stories the elderly told her and smiled for the first time in a while. The elderly she worked with noticed her change in mood and commented on it, making Fiona blush. She had some administrative work to finish, since a Release Ceremony had occurred earlier, backing everything up. When someone started talking about the Release, she thought of those moments in that special room with Jonas's Father. She wondered if everyone Jonas knew held those thoughts, that they could have done something to prevent it. The thought made her nearly cry and she tried to push it aside, busying herself with work.<p>

Suddenly, a man came in to hand Fiona an envelope. He didn't exchange any words with her and left the building. She opened it. The envelope turned out to be a response to her Spouse Application. She had received Asher as a new Spouse, which cheered her up considerably. Asher, with his childlike spirit, would certainly be a good addition to the household, as it would help the children forget about Jonas.

_Jonas!_

Fiona had nearly forgot about her promise to Nina. She wasn't sure she wanted to see Jonas's face again – with those haunting eyes, at that – let alone go through her traumatic memories in order to form questions. Nevertheless, she knew she had to do it for Nina and for herself, so they could finally get some closure. Her work time was nearly over anyway, so she signed herself out and went to the Annex behind the building.

She stood in front of the door and took a deep breath, not knowing what to expect. She opened the door and saw a single Attendant organizing paperwork for whatever reason.

"Excuse me, miss," Fiona said nervously, "I'm here to speak with Jonas."

"You're Fiona," said the attendant with a little astonishment, "I heard of what happened. Are you sure you want to visit him?"

Fiona became uneasy. She started to wonder if she really _would_ get answers for Nina like she promised. Jonas was a cryptic man, she realized, and thought this was hopeless. She would always feel something lingering behind her, watching her, and thought she would feel filthy for the rest of her life even when Jonas is Released a year after he once receives an apprentice. _The visions!_ She realized why she was here again and knew she had to rid herself of those visions – memories – once more.

"Yes, I do," Fiona replied weakly, "You probably know what his infractions are. One of them was transmitting memories beyond what was permitted in his occupation. I need to give them back, they aren't rightfully mine."

The attendant sighed, "All right. Your visit will be supervised. Considering his crimes, he can't be allowed alone with anyone who bothers to visit. I'm quite surprised you're visiting, after what he did."

The attendant notified Jonas that someone had come to visit. Jonas's voice boomed through the speaker.

"Who is it?" he demanded to know.

"Jonas," Fiona said, "It's me."

A short, awkward silence filled the room. Fiona only heard the slight buzz of the speaker because it was turned on in the other room. She waited anxiously, wanting to get this visit over with so she could put the past behind her. With every passing second, she wanted nothing more than to run out of that strange Annex and meet Asher back at their Dwelling, where he was to be living now.

"...Fiona?" Jonas finally spoke, "I, I didn't think you would – well, of course, I-I'll unlock the door."

Fiona heard a click and followed the attendant inside the room while Jonas held the door open. The furniture was incredibly luxurious and the shelves were stacked with books up to the ceiling. She saw the speaker in the corner and noticed it had an Off switch. Fiona remained standing and faced Jonas, who was just as nervous about the awkward confrontation. He looked down shamefully and Fiona noticed there were dark circles underneath his pale eyes. He clearly had trouble sleeping.

"Take a seat anywhere in the room, if you like," Jonas tried to say casually, which he failed, "I'm weary myself."

Fiona sat down on a luxurious couch, feeling the soft cloth. It amazed her that someone, even the Receiver of Memory, would have access to such things. She looked at the shelves of books and wondered what they contained. How many communities did have books providing information for? When would he need it?

"Why did you visit?" Jonas finally asked, as if there was no attendant supervising their brief interactions, "From everything that happened, I assumed you wouldn't be able to even look at me. I can hardly look at myself in the mirror without feeling incredible guilt, you have no idea."

"I just wanted answers to my questions," Fiona tried her best to say stoically, "As well as return a few memories back to you. You'd have more use for them than I would."

"Of course," Jonas replied, "After everything, I owe you just that."

Who she was seeing before her was a very different man than the sadist she saw just a week ago. She noticed that when he sat, he leaned forward and had the tendency to hide his face. Still, she wasn't giving him a chance. She wanted answers and she would leave.

"So how are you, Fiona?" he asked, "How are Nina and Henry?"

"I applied for a Spouse this morning. I was just notified that it was Asher when I was finishing up administrative work. As for the children, Henry's doing better than I thought he would. Nina's still very confused," Fiona informed, purposely adding the details about Asher to show he had no control over her anymore, "which is why I came today. I came to give my daughter answers to her questions so she can finally have closure. She's the most confused of all of us."

Jonas's eyes were beginning to get bloodshot and watery. Fiona couldn't be sure whether or not Jonas was doing this on purpose and decided to try not to fall for whatever scheme he's playing without making it seem like she was suspicious. She grabbed a box of tissues and gave him that little box, feigning compassion.

"She wanted to know why you did what you did," Fiona said, "How you could go from a caring father in one moment to someone she… wasn't familiar with. She never knew what you did to me until that Trial. She wants to know what made you this way."

The Receiver's former Spouse sighed, "I guess I want to know too."

"It's _this,"_ Jonas said, motioning around the room, "My occupation. It's not _just_ a job. The things you see, as you may have partially learned, it changes you. For some, it's just pure withdrawal and loneliness. For me, and I hope only me," he sighed, shedding a tear, "I turned into something I despise. It almost becomes a separate personality that takes over you while you can only watch helplessly."

"You have responsibility over your own actions, Jonas," Fiona retorted, "I'm not accepting that as an answer."

He didn't seem so much angered by her response as he did saddened. When Fiona thought about it, however, "saddened" didn't seem like a strong enough word now. She thought of another word, which she was told was obsolete, that seemed more fitting. _Despair._

"I have never begged for something as much as I am about to now!" he cried, "Please forgive me and tell me that you don't hate me! Tell me you can find some memory where you don't see me as an absolute monster! Please, tell me this so I can finally fall asleep without a horrid nightmare! I want to know that you care for me too! I don't care about anything anymore, I just want your forgiveness!"

He grabbed her in a tight embrace and buried his face in her neck, sobbing about how he barely knew himself anymore and screaming, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Jonas kept wailing and the attendant had to remind him not to make inappropriate physical contact with visitors. Jonas shied away like a timid child and put his hands in his face. Fiona grabbed a single tissue and dabbed tears away from his face.

He looked up and said, "Thank you, Fiona."

"I need to transfer those three memories back to you before I leave," Fiona stated.

"Three?" Jonas asked, confused, "I thought I only gave you two."

Fiona shook her head and mentioned the one he had transferred to Nina. He seemed surprised that Nina would give that memory to Fiona, but shrugged it off. He simply asked if Fiona knew how to complete the transfer and she nodded. She placed her hands just under his tunic, where his shoulders connected to his back. He closed his eyes.

She thought of the Stirrings memory that he had given her a few years ago and immediately felt it leaving through her hands. She watched Jonas with pleasant surprise and heard a moan. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it. As soon as the memory was over, he looked at her hungrily.

"Oh, _Fiona_."

_And now I remember why I would never see him again._

Fiona decided to give him the other Stirrings memory in hopes that his strange hunger would be satiated. She thought about the strange sensations occurring within that memory and felt it leaving her body. Fiona was grateful that she was getting rid of them, as they had only reminded her of the abuse, but was disgusted by the expression Jonas was making. She didn't stop to rest before she gave him the memory of fireworks. The memory seemed to give Jonas that feeling of bliss. He didn't make that same hungry expression before, which comforted Fiona.

Jonas looked up at Fiona with a tender expression and smiled weakly. The combination of the smile and the bloodshot, puffy eyes with dark circles was probably the most foreign facial expression that Fiona had come across ever since she had been assigned to Jonas as a Spouse. They both got up from the couch.

"I have to go," Fiona said, "Curfew is soon."

"I love you, Fiona," he whispered.

"I hardly know what that means," Fiona replied, "and I never would want to. Judging by my past experience with you, I suspect it would be something sinister."

Jonas finally lost it. He became weak at the knees and fell to the ground, bawling like a madman, his fingers clawing at the ground. Fiona backed away slightly in surprise. Even the Attendant that had been supervising them looked incredibly tense.

"Please!" he begged, "My love!"

"Don't call me that!" Fiona shouted, "This is the last time you'll see me! I never want to see you again!"

The Attendant quickly opened the door and the two rushed out of the room. Jonas closed the door behind them and the Attendant went back to her desk, frantically organizing paperwork.

"I think you should go," the Attendant said, "That experience was disturbing enough as it is."

* * *

><p>Fiona was at the dinner table with Asher and her children. The children liked Asher's company very much and Fiona noticed how much happier they were. Henry was especially enjoying Asher's stories. He recognized the man from his time during recreation and having that same man as a father was rather enjoyable. Nina was enjoying Asher's stories during the Telling of Feelings as well, but was still having a hard time adjusting without Jonas. This realization kept Fiona from fully engaging with tonight's Telling of Feelings.<p>

"Fiona," Asher said, "You're last, tonight."

"Oh, it was just strange, adjusting to work again after I had a week off. Hearing the stories from the old people was very comforting, though. They had so much to say," Fiona said.

"Mother," Nina asked, "Did you visit Jonas like you said you were going to?"

Asher looked mildly surprised, "You visited Jonas? After everything he did? I was there, at the Trial. Had someone done that to me, I would leave them in the past."

"I asked him why he did the things he did, but I could hardly understand his answers," Fiona sighed, "He told me it was from his difficult occupation. He described it as having a second personality. It didn't make sense to me. I told him his actions were his responsibility and that I didn't accept his answer."

"That was good, the way you reacted," Asher replied, "You shouldn't waste time believing someone who lied to you so much."

She omitted the part where Jonas told her he loved her simply because it was too complicated to explain. She vowed never to see him again, as he was a broken man, too far to be saved now. Even if she _could_ change him, he would be Released within a year and it would have all been for nothing.

"Well, now we have a new life to start," Asher said cheerfully, "We have a new family. Let's put this behind us once and for all."

They all held hands and smiled at each other. Fiona had never seen Henry so jumpy and excited. Nina seemed a little happier too, now that she at least had an explanation to cling to. Fiona was hopeful too.

Asher and Fiona went to bed that night, laughing at childhood memories. She couldn't stop thinking of all the times Asher arrived to school late (and panting, no doubt). There were so many funny excuses she remembered, particularly one about being distracted by fish. They started joking about Jonas, too. For some reason, mocking a morbid situation seemed to make them feel a whole lot better.

"Oh, man!" Asher said, "I made a Jonas move!"

"What did you do?" Fiona giggled.

"I forgot to take my pill this morning," Asher replied, a little embarrassed.

"Same here," Fiona admitted, "I'm so used to Jonas hiding them."

"Or dumping them into the river," Asher joked, "Maybe the fish had Stirrings."

They were leaning more closely now and hugged each other, flushed from laughing. Fiona partially separated from him and realized her Stirrings were acting up, much to her confusion. She looked at Asher, who was feeling the same thing. It made the moment awkward, yet strange and exciting.

For a brief moment, they had kissed and Asher said a single word.

"Pills."

"Now," Fiona replied and the two got up to fetch their pills, gulping down a single tablet as if it was relieving intense pain.

The two laughed and returned to their room. Fiona was tired and rested on the bed, getting comfortable under the blankets.

"All right, Asher," Fiona yawned, "Don't start jumping on the bed if you get bored in the middle of the night."

"No promises," joked Asher.

The two were looking up at the ceiling, feeling complete bliss. It wasn't as strong as the firework memory, which was no longer in Fiona's mind, but it sufficed. Fiona yawned again and the two fell asleep, smiling and having no dreams.

* * *

><p><strong>Relax, this isn't the last chapter. I will have an epilogue ready in some time.<strong>

**What do you think of Fiona's visit with Jonas? Leave criticisms and such in a review, please. **


	12. Epilogue

The room felt colder than ever and Jonas couldn't sleep. He lay still, weeping and thinking of the last thing Fiona had said to him.

_Don't call me that! This is the last time you'll see me! I never want to see you again!_

He tossed and turned, his entire body aching from his traumatic memories, and he started to see blood on his hands. He kept rubbing his hands together, feeling the dryness of his own skin, but the sight of blood never disappeared. He was going insane from the loneliness and his unbearable guilt.

There was no nighttime attendant, but considering he was tried for crimes, the door that led to the Annex was locked from the outside, so he couldn't get out. He could call someone through the speaker for food or medication unrelated to his occupation, but neither of those applied to him, so he had no reason to call anyone. Still, he felt like he had to say something to someone and it drove him mad.

He couldn't stop thinking of her. Her beautiful red hair, the way she could tenderly care for someone and all the childhood memories made him want more of her, but he knew he utterly ruined that for himself. He got up to go to his bathroom, where a mirror was placed above a sink. The image in the glass taunted him, accusing him of being the most horrible monster. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy and his face was completely red. He removed his tunic and saw several self-inflicted scratches on his body, which he did not remember doing to himself. His hands, as if they had a mind of their own, started frantically scratching at his skin until he bled, which made him grin just a bit.

"This is your punishment," he said to the mirror, "You did this to yourself. Stupid, stupid idiot!"

He leaned his head against the mirror, pushing his abdomen against the small sink. Turning his head up a bit, he could see his own blue eyes just millimeters away and they seemed to stare back at him with seething hatred. He started to shiver from the cold and bit his lip. He deserved all of this.

"Oh, I hate myself!" he screamed and banged on the mirror, screaming, "I hate you" to the reflection. His fist pounded the glass until it broke and tiny little shards pressed into his skin. He started to think of her again and remembered that she had a new Spouse now, one that could make her much happier than he ever did. They were probably mocking him now, but he didn't mind. He now thought about the acute pain from the glass shards in his fists and stared at his reflection again. Jonas wiped his shard-filled skin across his face, drawing blood from his cheeks and scaring his visage. Tears stung his open wounds and he took a large shard of glass from the mirror. The shard, held tightly in his hand, was brought to his neck and Jonas looked in the mirror one more time.

"I love you, Fiona," he muttered one more time before ending his life, filled with regret.

* * *

><p>Nina woke up from a horrible vision. In it, someone was shot with a bullet right before her eyes and several people followed that same path. She could recall the dream so accurately that it frightened her. Every sight, sound, smell and other sensations felt so real and they seemed to stay with her.<p>

Another vision came to her like a flying cloth hitting someone in the face through a windy storm. She was surrounded by white, cold powder and was sitting on top of a strange vehicle known as a sled, which was sliding down rapidly. Soon, the snow turned to ice and she felt a loss of control. The sled skidded across the ice and she was jerked forward. Nina was flying through the air and saw herself plummeting towards the ice. Her leg snapped and the pain shot through her leg like never before. She was soon brought out of the memory, the unbearable aching still in her leg, and she wailed.

Her cries were soon followed by the sound of thousands of other community members crying in pain. All of the sudden, the silence that once accompanied the night hours was soon replaced by a loud cry of pain. Everyone seemingly received the memories simultaneously. If someone wasn't crying from the pain of the memories, they were crying from the deep melancholy that filled the community.

Nina listened closely and learned that the cries of those she had known, and many more from those unfamiliar, would only be answered by a haunting echo.


End file.
